Living with a Memory...

There comes a time when life slaps you in the face and makes you realize you've romanticized a noun person, thing, or place. And life just served me up with a doozy....think I may need ice for this! But no really, its like you have this idea of what a person did or what they used to and you look up one day that's not really who they are anymore. I wonder if thats what people mean when they say you arent the person I fell in love with....

Well, this slap came when I was talking to the Ex and he's like "So what's new?" and I searched my mind and couldnt find anything. I brought up Hurricane Irene for goodness sakes and how I needed to check on a friend that lives in D.C. ....Did you hear me.....I brought up a freaking natural disaster for goodness sakes!

That is when life pimp slapped me......

I thought to myself....I've been trying so hard to close myself off and guard my emotions so I wouldn't be as exposed and now I've found that I truly no longer have much more than pleasntries to say. Like when did the man I could spend full days and nights talking to and baring my soul to yet never be bored, become that hard to talk to?

Part of me is sad because my punk a*s still loves him I still have leftover feelings and I wonder will we ever recover from this amount of distance we've created that we both seem to be contributing to....yet never seeming to let seperate us (hence the 1 am phone calls #NoBootyCall) .......but then my thug nasty/nasty thug practical side is like "B*tch we winning!! We are over him, now we can get a baller so we aint never gotta fcuk with Ray Ray broke ass no more.".....and the other completely blaise part of me (yes there are many parts of me ok!) is like "Heifer...it's 1:30 in the morning, I'm glad we got off that damn phone now stop tripping and go the hell to bed already....deal with it tomorrow..."

And because that blaise bitch is correct...I'm gonna go to sleep. But when did life slap you like a b*itch in the streets? And does anybody have any tips to get over an ex? Other than to stop accepting his 1 a.m phone calls.....

Madonna.....Whore.....Assistant......Buddy......

I've noticed that men seem to want women to do everything. Like we are supposed to be mothers and kiss boo-boos, be sexual goddesses and take them places they've never been, support their dreams and desires, and watch sports with them. I got tired just making the list of thngs they seem to want from us....Like really!!

Down with the To-Do list!!

What sparked this...shall we say, mental rant, was something I keep seeing in my definition of  epidemic proportions. Guys who have side hustles or are trying to get a dream off the ground seem to be saying "Oh I need an assistant, someone to get/keep my life in order, maybe I'll just get a girlfriend...then I won't have to pay the salary or worry about taxes." Can you say 'deadpan expression' ?!?!? The first time I saw a tweet/facebook status about this 'alternative' to hiring a real employee I was slightly taken aback and hoped that this was purely their twitter/FB persona taking over.....but as I saw the RT's asking for an assistant, preferably female, maybe a girlfriend if they weren't interested in being just an assistant I was shellshocked....like is that what men really get girlfriends for? Aside from steady yssup, love, and all that jazz of course....

Well, time passed and I basically forgot about it...until today. I was reading a popular bloggers "personal"/solo blog and he mentioned it as well, except he said it would be easier to get an assistant because then you wouldn't have to deal with the extras. Seeing as he said it in a humorous way, I admit I was amused, but that made me again wonder is that really how guys think?

And it led to the bigger question...do we as girlfriends really act that way? Do we do all those things and make it seem so easy, that it leads them to ask for more?

I briefly glossed over my history as a girlfriend and came to the conclusion that I have in fact been all these things for a significant other at one time or all at the same time ("And the pseudo-superwoman award of 2011 goes to....."). So that makes me wonder.....what do we want from men that they feel entitled to expected the Madonna/Whore/Assistant/Buddy....quadfecta (is that a word?) from us?

Well that's all I have for now...I should probably do what they're paying me to do now. LOL

"I have the trait..."

First off, for you to understand the relevance of this statement, you would have to understand a little bit about me and the relationship I have with the person who made this statement.

Well, my mother has sickle cell anemia and I have the sickle cell trait. I was in a relationship with....hmmm lets call him...what he is lol....The EX.....well before he was the ex, we contemplated marriage, kids, the whole shebang. Well several times I mentioned that he should see if he had the trait because I didn't want to have sick kids, as I've spent my life dealing with my mother's illness, I couldn't imagine how I would feel with it being my child, and he already had a healthy son of his own.

So mind you we broke up over a year ago....spent the last year doing the back and forth, lovers and friends, FWB, s*xing just because etc thing. Well, I finally decided a couple months ago to stop and JUST be friends, becuase he really is a great guy and we were friends first and as a result of this my feelings would be classified as buried deep under poured concrete, guarded by rabid pit bulls "numb."

Well today, he sends me a text that simply read "I have the trait..."

As I read it, a few thoughts crossed my mind. I wondered why he sent it, why he felt it relveant to share, and seeing as we were no longer doing things that would in fact create a child why it still mattered to me....as these thoughts crossed my mind, I said to myself "Self....quit tripping just text this fool and ask why he decided to try and spark an emotional upheaval  decided to share/find out that information. He replied ever so casually that he just wanted to know....

And as I shook my head and put down my phone so I could park (yes I text and drive...yeah I know its bad yadda yadda),  I just figured I  would go with his reasoning and not do my whole female thing and overanalyze.....which is something he CONSTANTLY tells me to stop doing.

So, for now, I'll live with that reason, until he decides to switch the game up AGAIN and bring it back up a few months from now LOL

For Sh*ts and Giggles.....???

"Well I don't know about you...."

So, being a lover of words, and having some crazy things cross my head and my life, I figueed I'd give this personal blog thing a try. 

First, I guess I could introduce myself, seeing as, hopefully, one day, someone other than me will read these posts lol

Well, I'm a 20 something college student trying to find my way through this crazy thing called life....but sometimes I get in my own way. I like most things girly, but I would voluntarily play in traffic before being called a priss...I like to think for the sake of being intriguing, that I'm a complicated individual, and some days I really am.

Well, thats me in a nutshell!