Life and things of that sort....

So I'm settling into the semester and it's showing itself to be difficult lol but I will be okay. I have too much riding on this. I;m nearing the end of my undergraduate career and I'm getting nervous about what comes next. Where to go, what to do, go to grad school, or get a full-time job. Stay at home and live off my mom for a while longer or go strike out into the world.

I know it's more accepted for people to live at home or return home after 18/completing undergrad, but I don't want to become too comfortable or complacent living at home. I want to be on my own and feel better about being able to support myself. I've had several conversations with several people at different stages and mindsets in their lives and it hasn't helped lol Some are like stay home, save money. Others are like go out and strike on your own, you;ll be ok, pray about it etc etc. I have no idea what I will do. Or what i will be ABLE to do.....*super deep sigh*

 I want my own place because I want to spread my wings and I love NOT living as home as I am so-so about living at home lol I want to walk around naked, leave a dish and my sink and not give a damn, just be in solitude and peace. But all that freedom includes major bills and responsibilities. Bills suck....who created those? He can kick rocks...because I;m sure it was some man lol
I want so desperately to be at least minorly (is that a word) removed from the area I grew up in. there are minimal opportunites here, in jobs, men, etc. If I were to find a man that wasn't a total loser and decided to help him raise his child (my baby chute is closed, never open for business....though I will practice making babies quite often lol) the school systems S-U-C-K...yeah I know public education in America in general is lacking due to funding, poor staffing and understaffing etc BUT ours really quite....suck lol I can't have my future step-child in my friend's class repeating the first grade for the rest of his natural born life for fear that he /she will fall through the cracks.....one of my best friends (I have a few they are the MOST AWESOME LADIES ON EARTH) lives in a small college town about an hour from where we grew up/where I currently am still stuck and I'm considering this idea...it has major pros if I don't pursue grad school right away, BUT it has a MAJOR con....that is also the city where the Ex (and his new girlfriend) currently reside.....Yeah...so that idea is on the list of possibilities, but should an opportunity present itslef that will better me....you better believe I will be packing the U-Haul for this place!

I just have a lot on my mind....I;m at a major crossroads in my life, I just hope the load doesn;t get too heavy......pray for me yal.....light some candles or incense or something!!

I'm Not That Chick.....

So I looked over ALL these blogs I've posted LOL and realized that they all ahd to do with men & such.....and I had to get one thing straight:

 I AM NOT THAT GIRL.

I have other things going on in my life, I swear! I have just been dealing with upsets in my lack of  romantic life right now. Trust there will be work complaints, school complaints (I am a senior this year guys...FINALLY), life in general complaints......and joys....I am working on beocming a glass half-full kind of girl. I want to have something to look back and see the progress I make as a young woman. I want to see how my feelings about certain topics change, how I excel in certain areas, whether I reach my goals in timely fashions and the such. So I don't want to seem like that chick with the dreary love life who complains all the time.....cuz I'm not. I have great bff's....one's that I love like family (sometimes more).....one's I'm growing up and apart from....as is life. But I just had to make this known......Two posts in one day.....GO ME! lol

Aha! Moments 101

Today I learned two things.....1) that Aha! Moments beget more Aha! Moments (Shoutout to Oprah)....and 2) I'm digging Marvin's Room, but not for the reasons one may think....(I can never just be obvious).

The other day I found out that the Ex had officially moved on. The topic was introduced by his sister, confirmed by Facebook profile picture lol The tricky part is that I would have been fine going on not being aware of this new development, but since it was brought to my attention my overanalytical ass has to do what I do best....Analyze! I would have rather had the awkward experience of seeing them hand in hand somewhere all happy n shit and I could have run in the opposite direction dealt with that. But when information is shoved in your face...you kinda can't ignore it....unless you're into denial like that.

Anywho, slightly bruised egos aside, another equally if not MORE perplexing thought crossed my mind. This self-imposed bout of celibacy I am in just got SERIOUS! This is truly the first time in my post-virginal life that I have NO prospects to potentially curl my toes, sweat my edges out or any of the such. None....Nada...>Nil....SERO. I have long since given up on non-commital s*x, FWB, f*ck buddies, ONS, and the such prior to being exposed to a conundrum that was icing on that change of life cake....(great) s*x with a man I loved. Now I attempted a foray back into a f*ck buddy situation (or two) and they were MAJOR #fails so I figured I would solve that problem with good old fashioned, no-strings attached ex-s*x....now my plan B (no pun intended) has ruined my good plans and went off and got himself into a whole relationship (which he said he didn't want by the way....but thats another story for another day) and me and my ego....and other body parts play second fiddle to none *flips fro*

This led me to my last and final Aha! moment of the evening.....I was more upset that I wouldn't have access to the post-relationship coitus than I was that he was with another girl. Lol 2 points for me for stuffing that sickening emotions stuff down far enough (cuz I'm a thug)....but -3 points for me still wanting the peen.....lol smh the way I think sometimes.....