Life and things of that sort....

So I'm settling into the semester and it's showing itself to be difficult lol but I will be okay. I have too much riding on this. I;m nearing the end of my undergraduate career and I'm getting nervous about what comes next. Where to go, what to do, go to grad school, or get a full-time job. Stay at home and live off my mom for a while longer or go strike out into the world.

I know it's more accepted for people to live at home or return home after 18/completing undergrad, but I don't want to become too comfortable or complacent living at home. I want to be on my own and feel better about being able to support myself. I've had several conversations with several people at different stages and mindsets in their lives and it hasn't helped lol Some are like stay home, save money. Others are like go out and strike on your own, you;ll be ok, pray about it etc etc. I have no idea what I will do. Or what i will be ABLE to do.....*super deep sigh*

 I want my own place because I want to spread my wings and I love NOT living as home as I am so-so about living at home lol I want to walk around naked, leave a dish and my sink and not give a damn, just be in solitude and peace. But all that freedom includes major bills and responsibilities. Bills suck....who created those? He can kick rocks...because I;m sure it was some man lol
I want so desperately to be at least minorly (is that a word) removed from the area I grew up in. there are minimal opportunites here, in jobs, men, etc. If I were to find a man that wasn't a total loser and decided to help him raise his child (my baby chute is closed, never open for business....though I will practice making babies quite often lol) the school systems S-U-C-K...yeah I know public education in America in general is lacking due to funding, poor staffing and understaffing etc BUT ours really quite....suck lol I can't have my future step-child in my friend's class repeating the first grade for the rest of his natural born life for fear that he /she will fall through the cracks.....one of my best friends (I have a few they are the MOST AWESOME LADIES ON EARTH) lives in a small college town about an hour from where we grew up/where I currently am still stuck and I'm considering this idea...it has major pros if I don't pursue grad school right away, BUT it has a MAJOR con....that is also the city where the Ex (and his new girlfriend) currently reside.....Yeah...so that idea is on the list of possibilities, but should an opportunity present itslef that will better me....you better believe I will be packing the U-Haul for this place!

I just have a lot on my mind....I;m at a major crossroads in my life, I just hope the load doesn;t get too heavy......pray for me yal.....light some candles or incense or something!!